The emotion of the beginning will never be sufficient to carry you to the end

       I'm not going to lie... the second time around seems harder. Maybe it is because we are older, maybe because we now have a child, maybe because you start to realize the cost of being a missionary. The very first time we went out as missionaries Josh and I were in our early twenties and ready for the adventure of moving to another country to do Chi Alpha. We had been married for barely a year and willing to do whatever the Lord asked. It all sounded so fun and exciting!
       Fast forward 5 years later and here we are transitioning to go back to Chile for our second term. It is still our God lead decision. Our hearts are still committed to God's call to pioneer university ministry in Chile but the emotion has wained a little. We are weary from traveling and going from church to church, sharing our heart for Chile. Let me clarify that itineration is one of the essences of what we do and I would not change that. It is so beautiful the way God uses churches and families to send missionaries all over the world so that TOGETHER they can fulfill the Great Commission! It's hard work just like any other job.
       Lately I have also been struggling with the guilt of uprooting Naomi from the home we've established in Katy and distancing her from the family she has gotten to know this year. It hurts and it is not easy, but here is where I have to choose to trust God and believe my daughter will be okay! I came to the conclusion that I am not putting my daughter in any danger or damaging her in any way. As a matter of fact I believe that by teaching my daughter to adapt to a different culture and way of life is only creating her to become a well rounded individual who will have a lot to offer in life. I have also had to constantly ask God to fill my heart with gratitude and cherish all the great moments we have with family. We have worked and traveled a lot but we have also spent lots of sweet times with our loved ones. I am extremely thankful for SKYPE and the ability to connect with family over the internet while we are in Chile.
      Don't even get me started with packing...even though we've done it many times packing up a house does not get any easier, especially for a detailed and analytical person like me. We've been in this house for nearly a year and I am just now beginning to feel settled. Now it's time to put it back into boxes or get rid of it. Verses 19-21 in Matthew 6 takes on a different perspective and you really learn to detach yourself from stuff.
19“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
So I guess I can say I am use to it but it is still quite stressful.
       Right before we left for Chile the first time a pastor told us some very wise words that have echoed at varies moments of our lives since then. He said, "the emotion of the beginning will never be sufficient to carry you until the end." During this season of transition these words echo in our hearts daily. We are committed to a call and a purpose that far outweighs our own emotions. Our emotions aren't bad, we just should not make life decisions based solely on them. It's kind of like marrigae. You can't base a successful marriage on emotions but on the commitment to each other. So the one thing that keeps us pressing forward is the commitment we feel to serve God in Chile and continue the work He has asked us to do.

                             

I carried her in my womb, carried her in my arms and held her by her hand.

I am falling more and more in love with my little Naomi. The more she develops and learns new things I can't help but fall in love. She is expressing herself and dialoging with us like never before. She builds small sentences and tells us what she wants and feels. It is so special to hear her try to have conversations with us even if we sometimes can't quite understand what she is saying. It has lead me to think this is how God feels about us as we grow and mature in our relationship with Him. I can't help but think about when I first learned how to pray! Things probably didn't make sense but God knew my heart and it pleased him that I spoke to him and initiated conversations with Him.

Naomi's vocabulary has also increased immensely. Of course, I have always told her "I love you" and she has learned to tell me the same after I tell her. BUT the other day she told me "I love you" all on her own, out of the blue and even proceeded to give me the sweetest hug. You can imagine how I felt..."I shuuu mommy"! I was left with a sense of awe because I am beginning to see that the love is mutual. Wow! Again...imagine how God must feel when his children express their love to their Heavenly father. And not just when things are right and we may feel good but out of the blue when he least expects it!

So obviously something inside her has driven her to express love and affection to me. My thought is that she is also getting to know me and my character. I carried her in my womb, carried her in my arms and held her by her hand. I have cared for and protected her for nearly 3 years (including pregnancy). I can't help but conclude that she has developed a confidence in who I am. Isn't it amazing! As we learn God's goodness and get to know His character our hearts grow closer to His and we allow Him to take a greater hold of our lives.

The greatest lesson I have learned from parenting is that disciplining a child is by far the greatest task. A task that you can't avoid if you truly love your child. It is not easy and we have began that challenge. Through the repetition and the consistency she is beginning to understand that it is all for her own good. And my hope and prayer is that she will move on to understand that because we love her we have to instruct her. Now there are times in our life we may not understand the pain or the suffering. Let me clarify that God causes neither of those, sin and evil are responsible. But what I can say is that God gives us the strength to see us through difficulties in our lives, therefore making us stronger and increasing our faith in the good and merciful God that He is. Our love for Him continues to grow as His love for us becomes more evident.

Itineration Story

1 Corinthians 9:24-25

²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

A few weeks ago Josh and I visited a very small country church that no longer has a pastor but as a body, a family and as a team they have kept the church functioning! Their Pastor has Alzheimer's and is now in a nursing home. Her sweet husband asked if we would go visit her because she was very lonely. The couple did not have any children and apparently did not have any family near by. Josh and I took the time to buy her some flowers and go see her. She was very fragile and not very responsive. There was not much we could do so we prayed with her and sang a couple of hymns. It turned out to be a really special time. Even though we didn't know this woman personally we knew about her life of servanthood and the many years she had devoted to pastoring her church. As she lay in her bed so fragile her spirit responded to the songs of worship. In some instances she sang along with us as the words stroke a familiar chord in her heart. I had no doubt that this woman had her eyes fixed on Jesus and was running the race until the finish line to receive her eternal reward. In the midst of her illness she had not grown weary and had not lost heart to worship her maker while on this earth.

Hebrews 12:1-3

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The Half-Way Mark

It has been either 6 months since we've returned home from Chile or 6 months that we have left in the states before we go back...

Regardless which way we look at it it has been GOOD! The Lord has taught us many lessons and reassured us of a lot of things these past 6 months.

LESSON 1: God has indeed called us to Chile and he is faithful in providing the means! Our budget has jumped up quite a bit so we are working very hard to finish raising it in a year. We are traveling, preaching and sharing our vision for Chile to obtain new commitments. It has been our joy to make new friends as we visit churches week after week and meet with potential supporters. It has also been a blessing to catch up with the people that are already part of our support team and thanking them for taking part in what God is doing in Chile. Before we made the move back we where worried about the failing economy and the reports of missionaries struggling to raise their budgets. Our experience has been so positively overwhelming as people are excited about missions and ready to give and invest in the lives of students in Chile! We are currently at 84% and lacking $1400 in monthly commitments.

Lesson 2: God has assured Josh and I that this is the calling he has for us. Stepping back into America after being gone almost 4 years has allowed us to process many feelings and solidify values in our life and in the family we are raising. For me it has allowed me to feel CERTAIN and SATISFIED that this is the way I want to live my life...committed to something bigger than wealth and fame. I want to live for something bigger than myself and the Lord has provided this opportunity for us to live and work in Chile. He has given us a passion to share the love of God with young people that are giving their lives away to everything but eternity. Being back we have also been enticed by a list of plan B's. It has been so easy to conjure up scenarios that involved us serving the Lord back home near our families. All sound so appetizing but not the plan A God has chosen for our lives.

Lesson 3: Our faith in God has grown. As we grow older the Lord has allowed us to experience more of life. We are now raising up a child and all of a sudden faith in God means more than it did just a few years ago. I have realized that it is not just going to church and reading your bible everyday, it is the way you live your life affecting every action and attitude. In the last several months we have lost 2 close friends in separate occasions. Both beautiful you married women that loved the Lord. Their lives were both a testimony of what walking with God means, their deaths both a celebration and a powerful reminder that we indeed live for eternal consequences and that one day we will come face to face with our maker.

No reserves. No retreats. No regrets.

Luke 9:22-23

“The Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day.”

²³ Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."

This is the story of William Borden heir to the Borden family fortune (Borden Milk). His life paints a picture of what Jesus was trying to say in these verses. Click on link bellow to read his story.

http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/regret.htm

Dietrich Bonhoeffer to His Parents - The Mystery of Holy Night

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German pastor, theologian and martyr who participated in a resistance movement against Nazism. He was imprisoned and executed because of his involvement.

"I don't have to tell you how greatly I long for freedom, and for all of you. But for decades you gave us such incomparably beautiful Christmases that my grateful memory of them is strong enough to outshine even this rather dark one. It is times like these that show what it really means to have a past and in inner legacy independent of the change of times and conditions. The awareness of being borne up by a spiritual tradition that lasts for decades gives one a strong sense of security in the face of all transotory distress... From the Christian point of view, spending Christmas in prison dosn't pose any special problem. Most likely, a more meaningful and authentic Christmas is celebrated here by many people that in places where only the name of the feast remains. Misery, pain, poverty, loneliness, helplessness, and guilt have an altogether different meaning in God's eyes than in the judgement of men. God turns toward the very places from which humans tend to turn away. Christ was born in a stable because there was no room for him at the inn: A prisoner can understand all this better than other people. It's truly good news for him; in believeing it, he knows he has been made a part of the Christian community that breaks down all spatial and temporal frontiers, and the walls of prison lose their meaning."

Fighting the same Battle

This past month was quite busy but full of exciting times. It has been our privilege and our honor to be able to spend sweet time with great friends and their XA groups. Many of the people we attended XA with when we were students are now pioneering campus groups all over Texas, the US and the world. We are truly God's army fighting a battle that will have eternal consequences.

Two weeks ago we spent several days in Huntsville, Texas meeting with students and interns from SHSU interested in giving some time on the mission field. Many of these young people are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives and are ready to go where the Lord calls. Amen! Several years ago we were just like those students and it was exciting to encourage them and share our experiences in this great adventure of serving the Lord.

Last week we were on the campus of UTSA with our dear friends Johnny and Amy Hauck. Amy was my college roommate 10 years ago and one of the key people in my young Christian walk. They pioneered XA on this campus just 4 years ago and it was amazing to see the growth of student involvement that has taken place! This week also marked the groups first ever Missions Summit! We along with several other missionaries were able to share our hearts and our missions experience. Many students responded and were challenged to begin a journey in missions! Pictured to the left you will find the precious people we are fighting alongside in this battle.